inner critic

Hear The Voice and Do It Anyway!

 in Guest Post  tagged achievement / coaching / gremlins / inner critic / Laura Li / self-doubt / voice of doubt / voice of fear

In today’s guest post Laura Li shares some of her personal experience and what she’s learnt as she started using her coaching.

Hear The Voice and Do It Anyway!

By Laura Li

"Hear The Voice and Do It Anyway!" By Laura Li

There was a time when the voice in my head was so loudly and relentlessly telling me what a failure I was, that I concluded the only way to stop it would be to kill myself.

“You’re a loser and a failure. You’re worthless”.

These words coming from a good friend would have hurt me and caused me to think of all the reasons it wasn’t true. Coming from an enemy they would have made me angry and I would have fought back.

But it wasn’t a friend. Nor even an enemy. It was the voice inside my head. The voice was mine. And I believed it.

Today I’m no longer fighting for my life. Not literally. But I’m still engaged in a battle with that voice of fear and doubt that’s doing it’s best to rob me of my life in a different way.

We all have this voice. Some call it the gremlin, the chatterbox, or the inner critic. I call it The Voice of Fear and Doubt, or more simply, The Voice. For most of us it doesn’t get as severe as it did for me, but it’s always there discouraging us from moving out of our comfort zone into the arena of living fully.

Away from playing it safe to being daring.

From moving on to the next steps with our coaching. It tells us we’re not good enough, or that we’d be silly even to try, or that it’s impossible to have what we really want.

And, oh my goodness, it says to us, what will other people think?

A lot of new coaches go through this.

  • Reluctance to go out and talk to people about their coaching.
  • Fear of selling.
  • Fear of charging.

And for us newer coaches it’s easy to think that if we can just get over the first few hurdles in our business then we’ll be ok and the voice will die out. But from my conversations with more established coaches – even coaches earning those 6 figures – I know that the voice of doubt is always there.

  • Fear of raising your fees.
  • Fear of putting that new project out into the world.
  • Fear of contacting that one person you’d really like to work with

.

Where is The Voice coming from?

The Voice is coming from our emotions. From the fight or flight response. It’s primary function is to keep us safe and sound and away from the dangers of sabre-toothed tigers and woolly mammoths.

Only today the sabre-toothed tiger is really starting a coaching practice and the woolly mammoth is making a presentation to that corporate client you’re trying to win.

The rational, logical side of you, the part that does want you to run your coaching business is doing its best to fight your corner. But it’s no fair fight. It’s like sending in one of the seven dwarves to go ten rounds with Muhammed Ali.

In the argument between do or don’t do – don’t do wins out.

We can’t turn The Voice off completely, but we can learn to turn the volume down.

Five Tips For Turning The Volume Down and Drowning Out The Voice of Doubt:

1. When The Voice starts up don’t try to argue with it. Arguing with it can sometimes make it stronger.

Simply turn your thoughts to something else. The cute thing your cat did yesterday;  what you’ll have for dinner. The Voice may well return, but each time you think of something else it loses little bit more of it’s power over you.

2. Start an Achievement Journal – every day write down at least ten things you’ve achieved today. And don’t just focus on the big things like getting a new client. Focus on all the little things you do every day that make a difference.

Even getting the ironing done in a busy day is an achievement. Heck, even getting half of it done can be a miracle sometimes. We’re so used to filtering out the small stuff that sometimes we need to remind ourselves how well we’re really doing.

As well as writing in the journal every day make sure to read previous days’ achievements to fully absorb all your greatness.

If a daily journal seems too onerous or time consuming then you can do a smaller version: whenever you’re feeling uncertain about something sit down and list 100 things you’ve ever achieved.

You’ll see how capable you are, and more importantly The Voice will have to fade into the background under the weight of all your evidence

3. Don’t focus on how difficult it will be to achieve the complete goal. Keep making the goal smaller and smaller until you’ve got the biggest step that you can tackle. Then keep doing that until step-by-step you reach the bigger goal.

The Voice knows  its ridiculous to fill your coaching practice in 6 months.  But it can’t argue that it’s impossible to go out and get the next client.

4. Know that even with the first step The Voice will still be whispering to you. It won’t disappear completely, but you can learn to take action despite it.

5. Take Frank Sinatra’s advice and do it your way. Whatever it is you want  to do think of a way that will be fun and that suits your personality. Trying to follow someone else’s way of doing things when it doesn’t fit who you are is pure glee for The Voice.

Where Is Your Voice Holding You back?

QuestionWhatever it is for you – where is The Voice discouraging you from taking the next step in your coaching practice?

Question.
Where are you playing small?

QuestionWhether you’re a new coach starting out and trying to get your first client or an established coach looking to increase your impact in the world, what is The Voice telling you?

QuestionWhat is the next big step for you to take in your life or in your coaching business?

 

Hear The Voice and do it anyway.

And now I’m off to write up in my Achievements Journal: wrote my first guest post today, and sent it off to be published.  The Voice is telling me I don’t have anything to say that anybody would want to listen to. But I’m too busy thinking about having spaghetti Bolognese for dinner to hear it.

About Laura Li

Laura Li trained as a coach and then  let The Voice deter her from working with real paying clients for 10 years. She has recently become a  Life Coach who works with people to help them drown out The Voice of Fear and Doubt and bring their Impossible Dreams to life.

If you’d like to find out more about banishing the voice or to sign up to my monthly newsletter  then please email la******@bt********.com

Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice 2

 in Guest Post  tagged authentic / career coach / comfort zone / expectations / Gail Gaspar / inner critic / led zeppelin / limiting beliefs / self / true voice / trusting yourself / voice

In today’s guest post coach Gail Gaspar shares her experience and knowledge as she shares the message:

"Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice" A guest post by Gail Gaspar

Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice

By Certified Career Coach Gail Gaspar MA, ACC

Your unique voice is a gift to the world. Your voice does not need to be fixed, squeezed or formatted into an acceptable template according to the standards of others.

We learn early on to take our cues from society and others. Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs are tethered to our perceptions about what will others think. If we continue to cue up unconsciously and hand our voice over to others, we lose our ability to trust ourselves. We must trust ourselves before others can trust us.

Let’s begin with some backstory. I got my first and last chance to be a singer in a rock and roll band when I was 16 years old. Much to our delight, my two best friends and I were invited to band practice in the guitar player’s basement. My friends jumped at the chance to sing with the band. Like any self-conscious teenage girl worth her bell-bottoms, I hung back, quite relieved to sit this one out.

When the song was over, one of the band members turned to me. How about YOU? Let’s hear YOU sing. Picture me resisting, shrinking, embarrassed by unwanted attention. They literally had to pull me up to the microphone to sing Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin. For the record, it clocks at 8:02 minutes. When the song was over, the band members made a fuss about my voice and did not mention my friends’ duet. My friends were mad. They did not speak to me the entire ride home.

I apologized to my friends. It was not the last time I did not OWN the sound of my own voice.

One of the band members showed up at my house the following day to ask my parents if I could join the band as a singer. My parents were not at all agreeable. They forbid me to sing with the band. No daughter of theirs was going to be a singer in a rock n roll band, and all that. Of course I was furious with my parents. But more than anything, I felt the wrath of my friends. My voice had landed me in an enviable position, and I did not want to lose my friends.

This circumstance fueled a powerful story I carried around for years. My ability to shine would have adverse consequences. And so, for a time, I dulled my shine and squashed my voice.

Do you trust the truth of your voice? Where are you voicing what others want or expect to hear? Is your voice story supportive for you?

In my line of work as a Career Coach, the ONE thing that stops more people from acting on more dreams is the refrain, “What will OTHERS think?”

I see it going on all around me. Recently, I met a lovely woman who was an opera singer. She confided to me, I’d like to audition for a solo. I’m good enough and yet stay in my comfort zone singing as part of the ensemble. The truth is, she said, I don’t trust the sound of my own voice.

When our consideration is primarily externally focused, the result is a tempered, vanilla voice that does not sing true or support us in doing what we want to do in the world.

Intellectually, we may know it is best not to feel needy, attached to outcomes or what others think of us. But sometimes, as you also probably well know, it’s hard!

So how do you stop yourself from being driven primarily by external expectations and tune in to your inner voice?

Lose your mind. Get physical and check in with your body to discover what’s true.

Let go of the need for perfection and struggle. Your true voice is best coaxed from non-attachment to outcome, willingness to make mistakes and belief that voicing your truth trumps it all.

Give yourself permission to honor what YOU want. More free writing? Play time? Sitting still each afternoon for a cup of tea? Whatever it is, recognize and create space to honor what’s true for you.

Cultivate faith and trust. Even though you can’t see what’s ahead, you have something important to say and the world needs your gifts. If you hide or hoard your gifts, you are depriving others who need to hear what you have to say.

Go big or go home. Shake things up. Question the way things are. Take more risks. Say it proud. Everyone doesn’t have to like what you say. Those who can and need to, will hear you.

Led Zeppelin did not know when they were composing Stairway to Heaven that it would become one of the greatest rock songs of all time. They put their voices out in the world.

Allowing your inner voice to drive the action will result in rewarding opportunities. The good news is you can create a new voice story at any time and from wherever you are. You never know who your voice will touch, how your authentic voice will carry forward. Until you try.

Do you tend to heed or ignore your inner voice? What is your voice story? How is it serving you? Is it time to take action on your story? We all benefit when you share your voice to comment below.

About Gail Gaspar

Gail helps women entrepreneurs activate powerful truth, awareness and intention for more impact, freedom and fun.

If you like this article, you’ll LOVE my newsletter! For resources and inspiration you can use to Transform your Career Reinvention, visit http://www.iDecideCoach.com to sign up for my monthly newsletter.

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Article Source: Why You MUST Stop Squashing Your Voice

by Ezine expert Gail Gasper

Do coaches need to be confident? 6

 in Coaching  tagged business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching model / coaching preparation / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / confidence / confident / executive coach / explaining coaching / fake / focus / Free resource / inner critic / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / listening / negative thinking / negative thought / performance coaching / personal development / questions / selling / thinking / thoughts

I’m often interested to see the searches that people do that lead to this blog for coaches. Some are quite frankly mystifying but one recently attracted my attention as it was the simple question, “do coaches need to be confident?”

So my coaching related post today is going to give my own personal answer, with reasons. I invite you to consider your own answer, as well as how that fits into how you are currently coaching.

Now considering one of the programs I offer to support coaches is “From feeling a fake to confident coach” my actual answer may surprise some. No, I personally do not think that coaches need to be confident. I think that it is perfectly possible to run a coaching session without feeling confident.

Confidence is one of those things that we cannot nip down to the local supermarket and pick up a tin of – it means something slightly different to each person. Just so that I am perfectly clear, I’m talking about feeling confident. I’m not talking about someone’s competence with my previous statement.

For some it may be true that a reason for them feeling a lack of confidence is genuinely because their skill levels have not been developed – it’s not always the case, hence my statement that you do not need to be confident to run a coaching session.

I do think that there are many benefits to being a confident coach. Here are just 7 of my initial thoughts:

It’s often makes coaching easier

How does your lack of confidence effect your coaching? If you are not confident then it’s easy for your client to start questioning the coaching and shift their focus off what they want etc.

It feels better and is more enjoyable!

Whilst your client may or may not have a suspicion about how you are feeling there are two of you involved in this coaching conversation. There is nothing to say that, as a coach, you can’t enjoy your work – in fact I personally encourage you to enjoy your work. 🙂

It’s easier to focus on your client if you’re not afraid someone is about to discover that you’re a fake etc

Coaching is much easier when you are listening and focusing upon your client and not any negative thoughts in your own head. I wrote last week about 3 ways to keep your focus on your client and not on your inner critic or negative thoughts etc.

If you trust your skills and coaching instincts you will ask the questions/give the feedback that you think will make the difference.

Often if a coach is not confident they can question yourself about what they will think about you, if that’s the right question etc and hold back from asking a question or giving certain feedback.

You will allow yourself to take the coaching in a different direction if the first one isn’t going anywhere

Coaching conversations are like any other conversations, they can take a turn in a different direction at any time depending upon the response the other person gives. Sometimes I see coaches/trainee coaches think negatively of themselves because they either haven’t got a plan about how a session is going to go or any plan they had alters as the session progresses.

You don’t hold yourself back from taking action just because you don’t feel confident

To run a coaching session you need a client. I’ve often seen coaches who share that they don’t feel confident reluctant to take action to actually get a client – either paid or unpaid. What action would you take if you were more confident about your coaching?

If you are “selling” the idea of working with you, a potential client is more likely to say yes if you appear confident in your own service and skills.

I’ve already mentioned that to run a coaching session you need a client. There are many strategies that you can use for marketing and sales and this isn’t a post about the numerous approaches that could work for you.

Even if you are not asking for an exchange of money you are asking a potential client to invest their time and effort. If you don’t appear confident and appear to be questioning if it will work etc how likely are they to say yes?

At the start of this post I said that coaches do not need to be confident to run a coaching session. What do you think? Feel free to share your comments below.

3 ways to keep your focus on your client and not your own inner critic/ thoughts

 in Coaching  tagged business coach / business coaching / career coaching / coach / coaches / coaching / coaching content / coaching courses / coaching model / coaching preparation / coaching qualifications / coaching skills / coaching techniques / executive coach / explaining coaching / focus / Free resource / inner critic / language / leadership coaching / life coach / life coaches / life coaching / listening / negative thinking / negative thought / performance coaching / personal development / thinking / thoughts

So how do you avoid being distracted by your own thoughts when you are coaching?  This is a conversation and question I often get asked.

My answer normally is that there are many different techniques and approaches that you can use. And finding the ones that work for you is, in my opinion, beneficial.

Shut up/ don’t listen

One of the coaching skills that is highly valued is listening but in a coaching session it’s probably useful to listen to your client not any negative thoughts inside your head 🙂

There are many different techniques that you can use to quiet/not connect with any thoughts that you are finding distracting.

On day 4 of my confidence e-course I share five different ones. Here is just one technique that you may like. It just turns down the volume of that voice that was yakking away.

Imagine that you have a control panel, now this is your control panel so you can have as many buttons, dials, slider switches etc as you want. You will notice that one of these actually controls the volume of that voice and in a moment you can just reach out and gradually turn down the volume of that voice. Do that now and notice that voice get quieter and quieter and quieter.

Personally, because I believe that the coaching session is a time for the client not me I found saying to myself a simple “shh, later – their time not yours” works for me. Whilst that may appear to invite a deluge of negative thoughts after the session – in reality those thoughts are not relevant afterwards.

I’ve also found that the more I used this, the less I’d actually needed to use it. It’s become habit to fully focus on my client and not any negative thoughts.

Preparation

Make life easier for yourself by not having your thoughts go at thousands of miles per hour. Do whatever you know to do to slow those thoughts down prior to your coaching session.

I know some coaches who do a short meditation, others who listen to a particular piece of music, whilst others use other techniques to get into a more useful state.

Personally, I don’t think there is a “right or wrong” way, just ones that will work for you as a coach!

Don’t get caught in a loop

If you notice during a coaching session that you have momentarily been distracted by a thought what do you then do? Curse that you have “done it again”, followed by various other thoughts and stories about how this is just more proof about how bad you are as a coach etc?

Getting caught in a loop of negative thinking or telling yourself a much longer negative story about what that must mean is a very common reaction. Yet, it doesn’t have to be the only way.

What you can also do is to congratulate yourself for noticing and bring your attention back out of your head and to the client in front of you.

You’ll find that you attention returns to your client a lot faster when you don’t start interacting with other negative thoughts that may pass through your head.

As a coach, over time, you will develop your own style. One that you are comfortable with and that works for your clients. As far as I’m concerned, there is no reason why you shouldn’t also find the way that works for you to focus upon your clients and not negative thoughts whilst coaching.

If you have a particular favourite technique etc you use feel free to comment below.