fun


The most popular quote from our twitter account in week 1 of 2013:

Social Media Key

I thought I’d start to share each Monday the most RT’d quote from the blogs twitter account over the previous week.

This last week produced a tie between:

“People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.”

(Dale Carnegie)

Tweeted on 4th January

and

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

(Pericles)

Tweeted on 1st January

thank you

Many thanks to everyone who shared the quotes above and the other quotes from last week. I know that there are various aspects that can influence if a quote attracts your attention – if you saw the tweet, personal style, if it speaks to something happening in your life at that moment etc.

Personally, I think both quotes can provoke some interesting thoughts and discussions. As I type this if I had to choose just one of the quotes I’d probably pick the one by Pericles, but that’s something that I’d quite likely change my mind about if you asked me again tomorrow!

Which quote do you prefer?

What about you? At this moment, if you could only pick one of those quotes, which one would you select?

You’re welcome to share your preference by leaving a comment below.

(For those of you as geeky as I am and wondering what tool I’m using to measure individual RT’s it’s www.twitonomy.com)


Coaching and motivating clients, part two 1

This is the second of two coaching posts with some pointers if you get “stuck” motivating a client.

Last week’s coaching post “Coaching and motivating clients, part one” talked about who was asking about motivation, asked what motivation means and assisting your client to tap into their natural desire.

Notice the impact of your words

Often as a coach, when the question of motivation comes up, you are looking for your client to take some action. Aid that physical movement by adding a sense of “movement” and momentum in the language you use in your conversation and questions.

My high school English teacher would no doubt shake his head in despair at the following but this is not a post designed to give linguistic labels and detailed explanations.

This section is not only here to get you to move once, it’s here to get you moving.

Adding “ing” to a word often gives a greater sense of movement and momentum so can assist your client to find answers and actions that will help them to turn that momentum into reality.

For example, you can get different answers and responses to using the word “motivated” compared to “motivating.”

Commitment and accountability

Inviting your client to make a commitment and the accountability that this brings can make it much easier for a client to complete a task. You may even argue that it can make it less easy for them to put it off until tomorrow and it never getting done.

Sure, depending on your client, they may still put it off to the last minute and only do it in the immediate hours before your next session but that is still likely to be more than they had done before.

Personally I like to invite clients to agree a specific time and drop me an email between sessions to confirm that they have taken that action. It has been known for specific clients to request that if I don’t hear from them to chase them up with my own email.

I’m aware that not every coach will be willing to offer that as an option. This works for me because of the way I structure my coaching practice as I have built in priority email contact for clients in my coaching packages.

I’m also comfortable providing that accountability as I always phrase it as an invitation, giving the option for the client to decline. This means that the extra accountability is the clients by their own choice.

Just do it

Sometimes, some clients will get so caught up in wanting to explore the why and thinking there is something deeply wrong with them. In reality all that has happened is that they haven’t made taking that action a priority. They have done something else in the time that they could have done this action.

Now there may, or may not, have been good reason to have prioritised something else instead. Regardless of the “cause” the reality is still the same the action/task is still to be completed.

Question for the coach: What would have to happen to make completing this a priority for this client?

Sometimes a really effective strategy can be to get the client to complete a task right then and there. This will obviously depend upon the client, the situation and what they wanted to get from the session.

For example, if they wanted to get motivation to make an appointment they had been putting off, invite them to make the call during the session.

You may not think of this as “traditional” coaching but it moves the client forward quickly and your client will not be concerned that you assisted them using something that isn’t likely to be in “coaching 101”.

Homework

This doesn’t mean overwhelm them with action steps as this can lead to them stopping again. It does mean that you can use “homework” to assist your client to get momentum going by taking the next step once they have started.

Some clients will find taking a huge leap easier than just a small step so consider this when choosing/discussing homework, if any, for your client.
Questions to consider: “What is a really easy next step to take?”
“What would be a fun next step to take?”

Challenge your client

If you have a client who has committed to take action, you’ve done everything you can think of to facilitate that and yet they repeatedly have not taken that action, there is probably something else going on. Don’t be afraid to share what you have observed.

Your role is there to assist them to get value from your work together however it’s a two way relationship, they can’t just be passive. For some clients, in some instances, challenging your client can provide the avenue that your client needs to share what is going on for them.

Sometimes it can reveal an obstacle that for some reason your client hasn’t shared with you.

On other occasions (usually in situations when they are not paying for the coaching themselves) they may not see the value of coaching. For example, in a business when they have been told they “have” to attend your coaching session. This can give you the opportunity to have a conversation about the value they want to get and explore how you can go about providing that.

Note:

I’m also going to mention at this stage that I personally believe that not every single client is going to be a perfect fit for every single coach – and vica-versa. Also sometimes coaching may not be the ideal solution for a particular client at a particular time.

If you and your client decide that you’ve gone as far as you can with your coaching together that does not automatically mean that you are a terrible coach and should beat yourself up about it. Just like I’d say that there it does not mean that there is anything “wrong” with your client.  I suggest you learn what you can from working together and then move on.

These are just some of the things you could do and consider – what else would you add?

About the Author

Jen WallerJen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

She has created a free 7 day e-course about how to create your own unique coaching welcome pack that works for you and your clients. Get your copy here.


Coaching and motivating clients, part one 2

Last week’s coaching post was “What do you do if you get “stuck” in a coaching session?” This week I want to start to talk about a specific situation that may generate that feeling of being stuck – how to motivate a client.

Today’s post is in direct response to a request for “Statements to help motivate the client.” For reason’s I’ll explain in a moment I’m going to expand upon that request with the aim of providing some useful ways to move forward if you find yourself “stuck” and maybe even avoid it in the first place.

Even with just mentioning a few pointers, there is lots to be said so I am posting part one today with part 2 next Wednesday.

Over time you will develop your own coaching style, you will probably already have certain beliefs about what is a role of a coach. I reserve the right to be flexible about the roles that I take during a coaching session but one of the ones I personally often think of myself as is as a facilitator, or if you prefer a catalyst.

Which is why rather than just give a specific couple of questions or statements that you could learn like a script and recite I want to assist you to be able to produce your own and make a difference with each of your individual clients.

Is the client asking for help with motivation?

I ask not because I’m questioning your judgement as a coach, I ask because motivation is one of those things that can mean slightly different things to different people. It’s not like you can nip down to your local supermarket and buy a tin of motivation.

It’s so much easier for you as a coach to provide a service that delivers what your client is looking for, if you have a conversation about what that means to your client.

Question you may ask your client: “How will you know when this is motivating?”

As a coach, what are you looking to achieve by motivating your client?

I know that this can seem like an obvious question but there is a certain logic behind me asking this. Sometimes if you are stuck it can be because you are asking yourself a less than useful question. If “how can I motivate this client?” isn’t throwing up any useful answers let’s ask a different question – knowing what you want to achieve can open up a whole new range of questions for both you and your client.

Often coaches are looking for a way to assist a client to take action towards their goal. One way is to select a step that is really easy to take to get them started taking action – this is particularly useful if they are imaging a huge overwhelming task. For example, which appears easier – writing one chapter or a whole book?

Making the task seem more manageable can lead to your client taking action easily.

Look to add “fun” into the action – make it more pleasant to do. If a client is imagining that the next step will be as much fun as having a limb amputated with a blunt saw and no anaesthetic then they are not likely to be as keen to rush out and take action. If there is an enjoyment factor then it will be much easier for them to start taking action.

Questions that may be relevant to ask a client: “What would be an easy step to take?”

“How can that be even more fun?”

Assist your client to tap into their natural desire

Sometimes a client can get caught up in small detail and miss or lose sight of what they want to achieve. Assist your client by reconnecting them with that motivation so that they naturally have a desire to take action and move forward.

You may choose to ask them direct questions or use guided imagery about their final goal or completing the next stage. Remember that using a description that uses all senses will assist your client to envision something that is easier to connect with.

This is always easier if the “goal” you are working with is something that your client actually wants. Notice if you actually believe what your client is saying.

If you ever hear and see someone talk about something that they genuinely want and desire, there is a light in their eye and sound in their voice. If you are not hearing and seeing that you have the option to explore in more depth.

Next week we will talk about things such as the impact of words and commitment. Meanwhile if you want to share your own advice, or to ask questions feel free to do so below.

Read part two here.

About the Author

Jen WallerJen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

She has created a free 7 day e-course about how to create your own unique coaching welcome pack that works for you and your clients. Get your copy here.


Games and surprises

In today’s guest post Andy Lucas shares his expertise and experience and invites you to have fun…

Games and surprises

By Andy Lucas

Somebody recently asked me if I would describe myself as a “coach”. I told them I’m more like a “school minibus”.

I can remember being at school. In fact in my imagination I can go there right now, sitting in the classroom listening to my favourite teacher – Miss Chevus. She always invented great games for us to play. It was much more fun than doing lessons. Whenever she explained a new game to us we became very playful. And sometimes she made us even more excited by saying she had a surprise for us.

I wonder if you’ve noticed what happens to you when you find out somebody has a surprise for you – a surprise birthday present, a secret guest at a party, a special treat, a holiday to a secret destination. I wonder what you remember about the feelings you have when you get that sense of anticipation.

I think Miss Chevus had quite an influence on me, because now, as a coach, I like to make up games for my clients.

I remember a client called Jane came to see me because she wanted to feel good more often. She told me a bit about her life and the way she had been feeling lately. And she told me she would like to feel happier and see herself being more contented. She wanted to feel that way even when she was trying to work things out in her head and when she was going about certain daily chores.

I asked Jane: “Have you ever noticed there are certain words that always make you feel good? Maybe you can think of such a word right now. I wonder if you hear yourself saying that word more often on a day when things are going well for you. Or have you felt really good just because you’ve seen somebody else using this word in a conversation?”

Jane thought for a moment. Then she looked up and smiled at me. “There are all kinds of words that make me feel good. I can think of some names of places, countries I’ve visited, landscapes I’ve seen where I’ve been transformed into an amazing state of happiness. Wow, I feel good just thinking of them. If you just say the word “sahara” to me I’m there in the plains and I feel so happy and free.”

And as I watched Jane I could see her face change and I could hear her voice sound soft and calm as she told me all about her visit to North Africa.

A Game You Can Play with a Word

Well here’s a game you can play, but only play this game if you want to feel good more often. You might want to follow the procedure very carefully so you complete the whole game and get the really good feelings. Or you might like to explore different ways of playing it to get the best results.The rules of the game are very simple. Just pick one word at the start of the day – the kind of word that always creates extremely good feelings in you. If you want to make sure you have chosen the right kind of word, just say the word to yourself a few times and notice what kind of feelings it creates. This isn’t the same as affirmations, so I don’t want you to pick a phrase or a sentence – just pick one word.

Then, during the course of the day, see how many times you can deliberately introduce the word into conversations with other people or even during the conversations in your head. Try and do a bit of both. Use the chosen word at least ten times in the day to get the best kind of results.

You might enjoy noticing the mental images and pleasant feelings that naturally arise from your chosen word. And I wonder what you notice about how good you feel at the end of the day just by letting the sound of this word do its magic, at a deep and unconscious level..

I was still curious to discover what other words might make Jane feel good. I asked her if there were any words about actions, ways of doing something or just descriptive words that might resonate. Jane laughed immediately and said, “Some of my favourite words are “laughing”, “exhilaration”, “freedom” and “bliss”. I have a friend who really likes the word “guacamole” He has this neat trick of dropping the word randomly into conversations. No matter how I was feeling before, when I hear him say “guacamole” I just find myself smiling and giggling inside. I love it because he can be so silly sometimes”

Miss Chevus regularly shared games and surprises with us. I think she must have enjoyed seeing us all responding to her with great anticipation, eagerly awaiting the surprises. We always knew she had lovingly created these experiences for us. I don’t suppose we even realised how much we were learning at the time. But some time later I was certainly aware that I knew a lot of stuff and that Miss Chevus had taught me some really cool things. She seemed to know how to get us perfectly primed to absorb this stuff at a deep unconscious level. My eager mind was using these things in its own unique and resourceful way.

Then, as time passes, I find I have learnt a lot from these games. And these learnings have just effortlessly integrated into the mind’s pool of knowledge. Perhaps there is some correlation between having fun and learning. Or maybe it’s that anticipation which fosters the ability to understand more.

Somebody recently asked me if I would describe myself as a “coach”. I tend to think of myself more as a school minibus. Climb on board and have some fun!

About the Author/Further Resources

Andy lives and works in Brighton. He is an NLP trainer (Society of NLP), coach, hypnotherapist and meditation instructor with a particular interest in Hawaiian Huna and Yoga Nidra.

Visit www.springtomind.co.uk for more details about Andy’s work.

Click here to read Andy’s previous guest post, “The source of personal power?”