curiosity

Is Doubting a Problem in Coaching?

 in quote  tagged coach / coaches / coaching / curiosity / doubt / Peter Abeland / quote / truth
A black background shows a circular golden laberynth of a maze from above. In the centre is a glowing light. The text reads: "By doubting we come to enquiry, and through enquiry we perceive truth," (Peter Abelard)

Happy Monday! Today’s quote is:

“By doubting we come to enquiry, and through enquiry we perceive truth,” (Peter Abelard)

In the realm of coaching, we often seek clarity, understanding, and truth. We aspire to guide our clients towards insights that can catalyse growth and transformation. Yet, in our pursuit of truth, we may overlook a fundamental aspect of the human experience: doubt. There can be inherent wisdom embedded within the process of questioning and enquiry.

Doubt is often viewed as a hindrance, a sign of uncertainty or insecurity. However, Abelard invites us to reconsider the role of doubt in our quest for truth. Rather than seeing it as an obstacle, we can embrace doubt as a gateway to deeper understanding. When we doubt, we are prompted to inquire, to explore, and to seek answers. It is through this process of questioning that we begin to unravel the layers of illusion and misconception that obscure the truth.

In coaching, doubt can serve as a catalyst for growth and transformation. When a client expresses doubt, it is an opportunity to delve deeper, to explore the underlying beliefs and assumptions that may be holding them back. By encouraging clients to question their perspectives and thinking, coaches can facilitate a process of self-discovery and insight.

Moreover, doubt opens the door to curiosity and enquiry. Instead of accepting things at face value, we are encouraged to dig deeper, to explore alternative viewpoints, and to challenge our assumptions. Through enquiry, we gain new perspectives, uncover hidden truths, and expand our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

Sometimes, “I don’t know” is just about not knowing yet. We can judge ourselves all we like about the length of time something “should” take, but I seldom find that increasing a feeling of pressure with that judgment speeds up an answer. Being comfortable with not resisting uncertainty allows fresh and new thinking to arise.

As coaches, we can cultivate an environment of openness and curiosity, where doubt is welcomed as an integral part of the coaching process. By creating a safe space for clients to explore their doubts and uncertainties, we empower them to engage in a journey of self-discovery and growth.

Furthermore, Abelard’s quote reminds us of the importance of discernment in our quest for truth. Not all inquiries lead to truth; some may lead us down dead ends or false paths. However, it is through the process of discernment that we learn to distinguish between what is true and what is merely illusion.

So, what about the coach? What if we’re doubting?

As coaches, we’re not immune to doubt ourselves. There are moments when we may question our abilities, our approach, or even the effectiveness of coaching itself. However, it’s essential to recognize that our doubts can be just as valuable as those of our clients. They can serve as signals for growth and self-reflection, prompting us to examine our assumptions and explore new avenues of learning.

Embracing our own doubts allows us to model vulnerability and authenticity for our clients, fostering deeper connections and trust within the coaching relationship. By acknowledging and exploring our doubts, we can refine our skills, deepen our understanding, and ultimately become more effective guides on the journey towards truth and self-discovery.

I would suggest that exploration takes place in your own time rather than during a coaching session with a client. For me, that time is the client’s, my role is to be fully present with them as best I can. This means setting aside personal uncertainties and focusing entirely on the person in front of me, creating a safe and supportive space for their exploration and growth.

Outside of sessions, I can dedicate time I want to reflect on my doubts, seeking mentorship, further education, or personal development opportunities to address them constructively if I feel it’s important. Ideally, bring a sense of playfulness into exploring what is being pointed towards. By prioritising my own growth and self-awareness, I ensure that I can show up as the best possible guide for my clients, offering them unwavering support and encouragement on their journey towards their own truth and self-discovery.

Ultimately, Abelard’s words serve as a powerful reminder of the transformative power of doubt and enquiry in our journey towards truth. By embracing doubt as a catalyst for growth, cultivating curiosity and enquiry, and exercising discernment, we can unlock new insights, deepen our understanding, and empower ourselves and our clients to live more authentic and fulfilling lives.

As we continue on our coaching journey, let us embrace doubt as a friend rather than a foe, recognizing its potential to lead us towards deeper truth and understanding. Through doubt and enquiry, we open ourselves up to a world of infinite possibilities, where truth awaits those brave enough to seek it.

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer, Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the support Jen offers here.

Showing the way 1

 in Guest Post  tagged coach / Creative Polymath / curiosity / Kaitlyn Hatch / wisdom

In today’s guest post Kaitlyn Hatch shares some lessons she learnt after deciding to set up a coaching business.

"Showing the way" by Kaitlyn Hatch

Showing the way

by Kaitlyn Hatch

In 2012 I completed an NLP practitioner course and began marketing myself as a life coach. I put myself out there as much as I could, self-promotion being a skill I’d picked up from founding a not-for-profit and working as an artist, and waited for the clients to come.

I was told repeatedly that this would take time. Yes, people wanted to change, but most of them would have to mull it over for six months to a year, or have something significant occur in their lives, before they finally took the step.

In the end I had a total of two clients before I packed it in.

This is not, however, a story of failure. The reasons I didn’t establish a professional coaching practice were clear:

  1. I had a nebulous niche. I put myself out there as a ‘Creative Life Coach’, someone who wanted to help Creative Polymaths tap into and express their inherent creativity. While this may seem specific, it was problematic because my ideal client’s biggest problem was they didn’t identify as creative and therefore wouldn’t see me as marketing to them. Also, there was no promise of money, love or sex – three of the biggest sellers going.
  2. I put way too much pressure on myself to make it financially successful. I love helping people realise their own potential but I became too focused on how to generate the income I’d need to survive. Obviously income is important but it shouldn’t have been my key motivator. Which brings me to point three…
  3. I didn’t like charging for what I wanted to help people with. I’ve always been able to see the potential in others. I love helping them see it too and when I started marketing myself as a ‘professional’ I began suppressing my very nature on the grounds that if they weren’t paying, I wasn’t offering.

This experience was very painful for me. I was inhibiting my very nature and the added stress of trying to support myself financially got to be too much – which was why I closed my coaching business at the end of 2012.

Throughout this entire experience I was seeing (and continue to see) a psychologist. She was an immense support as she had already been through all the trials and tribulations of establishing a private practice.

Her tips and ideas, reflections and resources all helped me during that year. And when I decided it wasn’t working the decision was made after much discussion with her.

It wasn’t that she told me any of the above points. She didn’t have to. I already knew them. She just helped me unpick my thoughts to find the wisdom that lay within. As someone reading this blog I’m going to assume you provide a similar service to your clients. Helping people see their own wisdom is a challenging but also very rewarding process. In my experience, as someone who enjoys doing this for friends as well as for myself, the key is in asking questions. I don’t even think it’s a matter of the ‘right’ question because that implies there’s a correct answer. Most of the time the answer that fits a situation today will not fit in a few weeks or months. But the very process of inquiry is what engages a person in realising their own insights.

As a coach the role you play can be pivotal in a client’s life – you can be the one who engages them on a path of curiosity about their experiences. This is a great honour to be trusted with but also a great challenge.

The more we can support a client to question, to embrace life with a sense of great curiosity, the more they will come to trust their own instincts and internal wisdom.

– Kait

About Kaitlyn Hatch

Kaitlyn HatchKaitlyn Hatch is a Creative Polymath, which is a quick way of saying she writes, paints, draws, sculpts, makes costumes, and has been known to dance in public.

In 2013 she published ‘Wise at Any Age’ – a handbook for cultivating wisdom. This is her first of what will be many published books. Writing it was a practice in recording the wisdom she has already discovered.

You can follow Kait on Twitter @faunawolf or check out her Facebook page.