acceptance


Navigating the Credulity Conundrum: A Coach’s Perspective

An image of rich green countryside looking out across a valley, with the sun rising from below the horrizon on the other side of the valley into a blue sky with a few whispy clouds reflecting the reds from the sunrise.
The text reads "A little credulity helps one one through llife very smoothly." (Elizabeth Gaskell)

Today’s quote of the day is:

“A little credulity helps one one through llife very smoothly.” (Elizabeth Gaskell)

Credulity, the readiness to believe without concrete evidence, is a nuanced concept that sparks reflection on the balance between unquestioning acceptance and critical thinking. This quote prompted me to ponder if there is merit in embracing a little credulity, and how does it intersect with our roles as coaches?

The Power of a “Little” Credulity:

The key word in the quote, as highlighted, is “little.” It suggests that a moderate amount of credulity can smooth the journey of life. There are instances when questioning everything may lead to unnecessary disruptions, reminiscent of a small child endlessly asking “why.” However, I’m sure all coaches have seen the impact that a well timed question can have, that powerful catalyst for profound shifts in perception.

Finding the Balance:

The delicate balance lies in acknowledging the “little” credulity that aids in navigating life smoothly while recognizing the transformative potential of questioning thoughts, beliefs and how we see life in general. As coaches, we must strike this balance within ourselves and guide our clients through their own exploration. Here’s a few thoughts that accord to me around this:

  • Selective Application: Recognize situations where a little credulity can be beneficial, such as in building trust. When working with a client, it really helps if they feel they can be honest and that is fostered by them feeling psychologically safe for example to look at something they find scary. Letting them lead the pace can help wth that which means there will be times when
  • Encouraging Curiosity: Foster a sense of curiosity, both in yourself and your clients. Encouraging questions and exploration is essential for growth, while still maintaining a level of trust in the process.Being aware not only of when credulity is at play but also that its a possibility allows us to make conscious decisions about when to trust and when to question
  • Wisdom of Pause: Introduce the wisdom of pause in coaching conversations. Sometimes, taking a moment to reflect before diving into questioning can create a space for insight and allow for a more constructive exploration.

Navigating Clients’ Credulity:

As coaches, we often encounter clients whose credulity might be holding them back. :

  • Gentle Questioning: Introduce questions that prompt clients to reflect on their beliefs and thinking. This gentle approach encourages a client to look at this without creating resistance..
  • Exploration of Perspectives: Through this exploration and a willingness to take a fresh look, they may discover new insights and potential shifts in their understanding.
  • Connection with their own inner wisdom/creativity: Sometimes all it takes is a little nudge towards that space where ideas seem to effortless appear from for a client to get an insight that disolves what was holding them back and make it obvious about a next step.

Conclusion:

This quote I think invites us to dance with the paradox of acceptance and inquiry. By finding the delicate balance between the “little” credulity that smooths life’s journey and the transformative power of questioning, we can foster growth within ourselves and guide our clients toward profound insights and positive change. Share your thoughts on this fascinating interplay – what else would you add to the lists I started above? What did this quote prompt for you?

About Jen Waller

Jen Waller

Jen Waller is on a mission to support, nurture and encourage coaching skills and talents from non-coach to coach and beyond.

As an experienced coach and trainer Jen is happy to utilise all skills at her disposal to assist clients from getting out of their own way and making a difference in the world with their coaching. Find out more about the suppurt Jen offers here.


The importance of Values in enhancing confidence and self-esteem

In today’s guest post Lindsay West shares some of her experiences and knowledge in:

The importance of Values in enhancing confidence and self-esteem

By Lindsay West

"The importance of Values in enhancing confidence and self-esteem" by  Lindsay West

Confidence and self-esteem are states of mind and being. They are attitudes based on the perception we have of ourselves. In my ten years of coaching with values, I have found that confidence and self-esteem can be consciously improved by focusing on specific values.

For many people, having low levels of confidence, can seriously hold them back and stop them from achieving what they want in life. It may have been an issue for them for much of their lives. It is often a reason that people turn to coaches for help.

Understanding our own core values gives us a sense of who we really are. It helps us to understand our lives, why we made the decisions we did and why we feel the way we do. This self-awareness helps us to feel more secure and grounded, thus giving us confidence and raising our self-esteem.

“It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” Roy Disney

Values help us to be authentic. They guide us in behaving and communicating in ways that align with what is important to us. That authenticity makes us more attractive and easier to be around. We are more consistent and more ‘real’ in our interactions with others.

Increased inner strength, motivation and a sense of empowerment can be gained through using values.

Here are some values that your clients may hold as important, but may not be honouring in the way they behave towards themselves. These values, in my experience, make a big difference to levels of confidence and self-esteem:

Gratitude and Appreciation

Focusing on these values, encourage your clients to take time each day to think of all the things they have to be grateful for and all the things they appreciate in their lives, e.g. a beautiful flower, a gift, a loving relationship. This helps to dispel negative thoughts and works by focusing on the good things in life rather than on the things that are negative or missing.

Forgiveness

Sometimes people’s lack of confidence or self-esteem comes from things that have happened in their past, so encourage your clients to focus on this value and reflect on who they need to forgive, whether it’s themselves or others; what they need to say or do. This helps them to let go of the negative feelings that are keeping them stuck in that place of anger, bitterness or regret.

Acceptance

Help your client to reflect on this value; what it means to accept themselves and accept others for who they are. People who lack self-belief tend to think that they have to change themselves to fit in or be like everyone else, whereas if they accept themselves just as they are, they will feel more confident. Acceptance for many is the opposite of judgement and it is that feeling of being judged that detracts from their confidence. If they can accept themselves, then it is easier for others to do the same.

Respect and Love

Those with low self-esteem often have very low self-respect and find it hard to love themselves, or see themselves as lovable. Once they have been able to forgive themselves and accept themselves, they can move on to taking steps to start showing themselves some respect and love. This helps them to grow in confidence and enhances their self-esteem.

For example, putting in place some clear boundaries of what is ok and what is not, so people don’t take advantage of them in a relationship or in the workplace.   Another example might be taking action to improve their self-care, perhaps through improvements to diet, exercise, healthcare, appearance.

Once they show respect and love for themselves, others are more likely to demonstrate these values in their behaviour towards them too, thus boosting their confidence and self-esteem further.

If you would like to learn more about Coaching with Values and other ways to use values in your coaching practice:

– my new book ‘Coaching with Values’ is available on Amazon

– you can train with me to be a Values Coach find out more

– email Lindsay at li*****@va*********.uk or call 020 8373 1127 / 07795 975980

About Lindsay West

Lindsay WestLindsay West, the founder of Values Coach UK, is a respected and successful coach, trainer and speaker, and has trained an expert team of Values Coaches in her powerful values-based methodology.

values coach logoOver the past 10 years, Lindsay has developed the I-VALUE Coaching™ methodology which puts values at the heart of coaching practice, dramatically changing the way people think, speak and live, giving sustainable benefit.

Coaching with Values book coverIn her book ‘Coaching with Values’, Lindsay West introduces the concept of values, explaining where our values come from and why they are important in coaching others to achieve success, happiness and fulfilment in their lives. She shares her experience and proven techniques for using values in coaching to make a lasting difference.

You can discover the power of the I-VALUE Coaching™ methodology, through its comprehensive framework and detailed techniques which enable you to adopt a values-based approach to your own life and practice.

‘Coaching with Values’  leads you from the first exploration of values through to using values for setting goals, managing emotions and making change. Motivation, self-esteem, decision-making and reducing stress are all examined through the enlightening perspective of values.

Through her key role in the UK Values Alliance, Lindsay is pursuing her vision to promote the importance of values in society. She is driven by her passion to help others use their values to live happier, healthier and more successful lives.

Want to stay in touch?

– connect on LinkedIn

– follow me on Twitter

– sign up for my newsletter via www.valuescoach.co.uk

– join my LinkedIn group

– join the UK Values Alliance


How to Create Confidence in the Faint-of-Heart

In today’s guest post coach former basketball coach James White shares a little of his approach to working with teams:

"How to Create Confidence in the Faint-of-Heart " By James White

How to Create Confidence in the Faint-of-Heart

By James White

“Treat others how you want to be treated.” This age-old adage applies just about everywhere—including the workplace. And, it turns out, is also a great way to build confidence in your employees and players. Read on to find out to install confidence in the faint-of-heart.

Acknowledge Them and Listen to Them

Everyone wants to feel valued. Many people who lack confidence became that way because their ideas were rejected and went unnoticed to the point where they have given up.

When you see your team members, how do you greet them? A smile, a nod, or a wave may suffice when you’re running on an extremely tight schedule, but, otherwise, you should say hello to everyone you pass; you should also be sure to address each person by his or her name to make them feel known and appreciated.

Beyond that, though, it’s extremely important to always listen to—and remember—what your team members say to you. This is because listening intently shows that you care and value the person who is talking. Encourage discussion and for people to share their ideas in a “safe place” where they won’t be judged. Feeling valued will, in turn, make those around you feel more confident in their position, so be sure to listen up next time a player has a suggestion for a play tactic in your next huddle.

Show Appreciation

It’s not just acknowledgment that makes your employees or players feel confident. Regular expressions of your appreciation will only build your team’s sense of self-esteem. For example, if you’re trying to build your own level of self-esteem, some studies suggest looking at yourself in the mirror and smiling each day. This is because the facial expressions that you see can encourage your brain to register and emit specific emotions. The same goes for your team members. When you tell them that their work has been really good and you appreciate them going above and beyond, they see the smile on your face and automatically feel a boost. So create a habit to always smile at your team members. Of course, by telling someone that they did a great job you are also telling them that they’re a valued part of your team. And, as previously stated, feeling valued equates to feeling self-assured.

The best part is that if you kick-start a “thank you” culture in your office or on your team, it will eventually trickle down. Once everyone starts thanking each other for jobs well done, everyone’s self-confidence level will increase, thanks to you! (Do you feel more confident after being thanked?)

Give the Thumbs Up

Human beings inherently seek the acceptance of others. Whether you realize it or not, you’ve gone out of your way to make others like you since a very, very young age. Now that you’re aware of approval’s importance, you can use it as a tool to make your team members feel great about themselves.

One effective way of building self-confidence in others is to show them your approval each time they complete a project or task in just the right way. In fact, using approval to boost self-confidence can be an effective tool for tweaking your employees’ or players’ behaviors to match your ultimate goals for the team. More importantly, though, they’ll so benefit from your approval that they’ll start to do what it takes in order to receive it. To that end, another powerful time to show your support of someone is in front of the entire team. Like the first application, this one typically inspires employees to try and replicate their behavior in order to maintain their social position. It might also enable them to pursue goals with self-assurance, and what’s more important than that?

About James White

James White coached basketball for 3 years and is currently working on his business degree. Connect with James on Twitter at @JGtheSavage or read more articles from him on his personal blog Info Bros.

 

 

 


Developing Better Habits 1

In the first guest post of 2012, coach Amber Fogarty discusses something she talks about a lot with clients.

Developing Better Habits

by Amber Fogarty

In our work with clients, we talk a lot about developing better habits. In fact, when people ask me to tell them more about what SOS Leadership does, I often reply, “We’re in the habit change business.” All of us, as coaches, are in the habit change business. Habit change is inherently connected to leadership development.

The most basic definition of leadership is influence. As a leader, the way you influence others, and ultimately lead them, is your personal choice. With that choice comes great responsibility.

In the SOS Leadership Seeds of Success program, we define the responsibilities of leadership. The first responsibility is one that can bring a certain amount of pressure and anxiety when we consider it in light of our weaknesses and bad habits:

People become like their leader.

When I think about this, at times it makes me feel uneasy. Yes, there are many positive traits that I wouldn’t mind others learning from me, but there are just as many negative characteristics that I don’t want to pass on to anyone, especially those who consider me to be a leader in their lives.

But what can I do to develop better habits? How can I overcome habits that have developed over many years?

First and foremost, I have to name them. Yes, I have to say out loud what habits I need to change and why. As Nathaniel Branden once said, “The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” Reflecting on Nathaniel’s words, I know that this is easier said than done. For the most part, we are all aware of our shortcomings, but we don’t necessarily accept them. I agree that we have to understand and accept that we are the way we are today; however, beginning right now we can commit to becoming a better version of ourselves.

SOS Leadership co-founder Bill Moyer reminds our clients often that the past does not equal the future, but the past does equal the present. We need to understand where we’ve been in order to fully commit to changing the future.

Once we are aware of the habits we want to change and have accepted that change is desired and necessary, then we have to make a commitment to developing better habits. This includes developing a written goal, complete with an action plan, for each habit we want to develop. The plan should identify the benefits to be gained by developing this particular habit, as well as the losses to be avoided if we do not change. Beyond that, the plan needs to spell out each obstacle and how to overcome it, as well as how we will track our progress and who we will ask to hold us accountable.

Don’t underestimate the power of tracking and accountability. These are vitally important components of your plan and will help you to always be aware of your progress and challenged when you get off track.

So what habits will you commit to developing (or changing) this year? In the words of Aristotle, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” A new year is the perfect time to make a change. Go for it! Become more excellent!

About the Author/Further Resources

Amber Fogarty is a Partner and Coach with SOS Leadership Institute and the SOS Coaching Network, which unites an elite group of coaches, trainers, and consultants from around the world, providing them with personalized programs, coaching, and tools to help them succeed in the rapidly growing coaching industry. Learn more at www.soscoachingnetwork.com.