As I sat down to write this post our latest rescued cat arrived in the room popped her 2 front paws on my knee with a distinct and determined mew. Now this is a new signal and not her normal – my dish is empty, I had to work out what it is that she wanted.

As I was listening to her signals and then interpreting them it reminded me of an often overlooked part of confidence.

The dictionary definition of confidence is

1. Firm trust

2. A feeling of certainty, self-reliance, boldness.

3. Something told confidentially

You’ll notice the inclusion of the word trust in that definition and something told confidentially. Would you be inclined to trust someone who didn’t listen when you told them something confidentially? Most people, when they really think about that, answers no.

How often do you really listen to what you really want? I’m not talking about listening to self criticism here, but actual inner signals? Not only is this integral to confidence but also knowing what it is that you want to take your life to the next level. Maybe it’s a feeling in your stomach when you’re tired and opt to stay out longer, maybe when you look back at a past relationship you had a feeling that it was over before it actually was.

It is not unusual for people to be used to ignoring these inner signals or over-riding them because you think that you “should” be doing something else. Generally the more that you listen to these authentic signals the easier it is to hear them and the clearer the messages will be. It is also far easier to trust ourselves if we listen to those inner signals.

This months exercise is based on a kenisology technique. I invite you to play with the following as a way to start listening to those inner signals and to grow your own trust in yourself.

We are going to set up a definite yes and no response for you to play with. A fellow trainer taught this during lunch a few months back to some of our delegates. One participant went down the desert menu asking herself for each item if she wanted that sweet. The pudding that came back with a yes signal surprised her and she said that she would never normal consider that option. However, she was up for playing with the concept and ordered it anyway. When the dish arrived it looked gorgeous and it was perfectly obvious by the look on her face as she tasted it she adored it!

This is not designed to be a deep therapeutic exercise so if you have any major life changing decisions to make please use your own judgement and use a lighter topic such as what you are going to pick for lunch.

  1. Lightly rub the tip of your finger over your thumbnail while mentally excitedly and confidently repeating, “Yes! Yes! Yes” to yourself.
  2. Stop
  3. Rub the tip of your finger over your thumbnail again, this time determinedly and confidently repeating “No! No! No!”
  4. Notice the difference between when you said “Yes!” and when you said “No!”

If you would like a stronger difference either 

  • Mentally ask for a stronger signal and repeat steps 1 – 3 being even more enthusiastic with your Yes’s and No’s.
  • Change hands and use your other thumb and fingers to repeat steps 1 – 3.
  • Instead of rubbing your thumbnail rub the tip of your thumb and the tip of your finger together. Repeat steps 1 – 3.

Most people report that the no signal is “sticky” while the yes signal runs

smoother, however these are your signals so if you have something else then use yours

5. Test the signals you have set up with some easy questions that you definitely know if the answer is yes or no. For example, Is my name ( ) ?

If the signals are coming back confused then go back and repeat steps 1-4 again.

6. Once you are getting strong signals through pick something light hearted to play with – such as what to have for tea or which dvd to watch from a list.


Enjoy playing with this and listening to your own inner signals.

As always, feel free to share your comments on this message with me

Have a fantastic and confident week


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