Coaching Confidence

One of the games I sometimes play in trainings is to pick some of the largest companies with well-known brand names and as a group answer questions such as:

If Brand x was a person:

(a) What would they wear?
(b) How would they spend their spare time?
(c) What would be their favourite food?
(d) What would they do on holiday?
(e) Where would they shop?

Interestingly, despite doing this with very different types of groups the answers for each brand are often the same. When we discuss how the group came to decide upon the answers that they gave they often say that they considered things such as:

Personal experience of the brand’s product or service
The companies marketing and advertising
Stories in the press
Knowledge of the people in charge,
Printed material – letters, catalogues etc

When we look at how these successful brands describe themselves and their identity it becomes obvious that they successfully communicate this by demonstrating it in their behaviours.

For example, people often say that a well known airline would go hot air ballooning or do some fun extreme sport in their spare time. Visiting the companies own website to shows that they describe themselves as fun and list some examples of how they communicate this.

This link between communicating using behaviour and action is not something that can be confined to successfully branded companies. Individuals will find it easier to communicate more authentically if their behaviours and actions match with what they are saying (or wanting to say).

I invite you to play with the following. It’s designed to give you a way to communicate authentically your skills and qualities. This exercise was originally written to be used when applying for a new job as a way of communicating the value you can add. It can also be used if there is someone in your life who you feel misses your value, you may also want to use it as your own confidence-building tool.

1. Pick a situation or scenario where it would be useful for you to effectively communicate your skills and qualities.

2. It’s always easier to know how to demonstrate behaviour when you have identified what that is. So, make a list of the qualities and skills that you would like to communicate to this person or in this situation.

3. Read through your list and for each point consider how you could demonstrate this.

For example: Want to show that you are interested in the other person? You could demonstrate that by listening to what that person is actually saying (not what you think they said) the next time you talk to them. [Listening is a really under rated skill, many people think that if they are not talking then they are demonstrating listening]

Tips for if you get stuck on any point:

· Remember that I invite you to play with this as a game – an experiment if you like. I’m only asking what you could do, you don’t have to go and do it, so you can be as imaginative as you want with this

· You are allowed to keep this simple – there is no need to overcomplicate your answer.

For example, if you would like to demonstrate that you are a good timekeeper – turn up on time for an appointment!

4. Once you have thought of some method of demonstrating that skill or quality for each point, go through the list again and put a Capital B next to the ones that you can do easily

5. Now, read through your list and put a star next to all the ones that you want to do.

6. Finally read through your list again and pick at least one that you will do and using either your diary, calendar, a post it on the fridge door or whatever method you use to keep track of appointments, schedule in a time when you will demonstrate the thing that you picked.

I’d love to hear your experience of playing with this, feel free to let me know how it was for you

Have a fantastic and valued 7 days

love

Jen

This was orginally posted on the site Your Changing Direction.

This piece I wrote back in 2008 and was initially published on the blog Your Changing Direction.

For a couple of reasons this week I have been thinking about time, or to be more precise, how time can effect our perception of a situation we’re in.

The bits of history that have always fascinated me concern how people lived. Over the past year or so I have been following the correspondence of a British World War I soldier, William Henry Bonser Lamin otherwise known as Harry. (http://tinyurl.com/29oys3 )

I suspect it hasn’t escaped your notice that there has been a bit of an election happening in the United States of America. One of the things about President-Elect Barack Obama’s Victory Speech that set me thinking was what he said about the things that 106-year-old Ann Nixon Cooper had seen in her life so far.

Regardless of whether you agree politically or not with Obama, the changes in society that Ann Nixon Cooper has witnessed in 106 years is fairly dramatic, and although I don’t yet know the fate of Harry the WWI soldier I’m fairly certain that he too would report massive changes in attitudes and what is considered important. I also suspect that they would both report that throughout the course of their lives what they choose to prioritise and spend their time on would be different at various stages in their lives.

With that in mind, I invite you to play with the following:

1. Imagine you’re 106 years old, sat reflecting back on your life so far:
What are the things that you are proudest of?
What brings the big grin to your face as you remember it?
Notice what’s important to you.

2. Think of something that the you in 2008 would like a new perspective off. With the benefit of hindsight, as you imagine being 106 sat reflecting back, what do you notice now about that thing? Take all the time that you need to play with this.

3. When you’re ready, come back fully to the present, bringing with you anything that is important for you to bring, you may want to stretch or wriggle your fingers and toes as you become more aware of your current surroundings.

Every person’s experience of playing with this is different, some say that they gain new insight on possibilities; others say that it confirms that there are potential consequences that they hadn’t considered. Often people realise that what they have been choosing to prioritise is not that important to them in the grand scheme of things.

Whatever your experience I’d love to hear about it.

It is not uncommon for the communication I have with people to be around clarifying what it is that they want. I thought that this post could give you something to play with to help bring you some more clarity about where you are now, and where you want to be heading.

I don’t know if you drive, but for the purpose of this example pretend that you can Imagine that you are a taxi driver and the only instruction that a passenger said when they got into your taxi is “Drive” giving no indication of where specifically they actually wanted to go. Now it’s possible that by complete chance you could end up where it is that they wanted to be, but it’s not that likely.

Now this is obviously a strange day because your next passenger does give you slightly more information, this time they say, “I don’t want to go to Alphabet Street”. Now there is possibly a slightly higher chance that you would end up where they wanted to go than your first passenger of the day, the one that just said “drive,” but again chances are that it’ll be somewhere else.

You are no doubt quite happy to see your next passenger who by comparison to your earlier fares can tell you precisely the address that they want to go to. As a taxi driver you know that there are several different routes that you could take to get there. You decide to take the next right turn and carry on to the next crossroads. Once you reach the cross roads you can check what the traffic is like there and decide if you want to stay on this route or change to a different one. You know that there are many different points in this journey that you can do this, so the only thing you have to decide upon is the very next step.

I suspect that I don’t need to point out that it is the third passenger that is much, much more likely to get to where they want to go.

There is a theory that says that our unconscious mind interprets what we tell it literally. When I am working with someone on this I “try on” what has been said and see what happens when I literally take what has been said to see how clear that message is that we’re giving to our internal taxi driver

I invite you to play with clarifying what it is that you want.

1. You get to pick the context, by all means pick what it is you want to take your life to the next level. If you are not used to doing this you may find that answering the question what it is that you want in your entire life is a huge topic. In which case you may want to start in a smaller context, what do you want to do this week, or this evening or maybe even in the next hour?

You could also pick a particular area of your life, for example work or whereever it is you want to be changing direction.

Decide upon what you want to play with for the purposes of this exercise.

2. Just for 2 minutes write down whatever comes into your head to the question what do you want? Don’t try and edit yourself, just get onto paper the answers that spring to mind.

3. Re-read what you have wrote and notice which of the 3 passengers your answers are like? Make life easier and make sure you know how you will know you have got to where you want to go.

So for example, your answer may have been that you don’t want to feel nervous when speaking in team meetings at work. This is like the second taxi passenger, what would you like to feel instead? In which case, the answer may become, “I want to feel enthusiastic when speaking in team meetings at work.”

Perhaps your answer already fitted with the third type of passenger – in which case what would be the very first step for you to take. So in the example “I want to feel enthusiastic when speaking in team meetings at work” maybe the next step would be to decide to speak at Tuesday’s team meeting, perhaps it’s deciding ahead of time about a subject that you are enthusiastic about or the next step is talking to your line manager about it … Make it easy, identify the very next step at the rate and speed that’s right for you.

4. It’s up to you then if you want to take that next step or not.

Bonus tip: Want to play further? Repeat the exercise with the question; what would I love to do?

This post was originally posted on my blog Your Changing Direction, which contains lots of pieces about general life improvement.

This was originally posted in 2010 on www.YourChangingDirection.com

“Happiness is a Swedish sunset – it is there for all, but most look the other way and loose it.”
(Mark Twain)

August is the 11th annual “Happiness Happens Month.” The Society of Happy People, who began the celebration, say that there are 3 purposes of the month:

· To recognise and express happiness
· To listen to others talk about their happiness
· And “Don’t rain on other people’s parades.”

Given that this is the first week in August I thought that it was appropriate that today’s message should be about happiness.

As I sat down to write this I glanced at my bookshelves to see several books devoted just to the topic experiencing more happiness in your life. It’s a topic where much can be written about so I will just cover a part that I find often comes up when I am talking with clients and potential clients.

I work with individuals who want more success so very early on we have a conversation about what that means for them and how they’ll know they’ve got it. While I get a variety of answers ranging from financial amounts, where they are living (and who with), it often boils down to the fact that they think that they will be happy when they have that success.

At some stage they have started to follow a belief that when they are successful then they will be truly happy. While I have no objection what-so-ever for someone to have the bank balance, business, relationship and living conditions that they’d love and being happy I think it’s a great shame to postpone feeling happy until that time!

This week I invite you to consider the possibility that

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.”
(Albert Schweitzer)

If that was true, what would you do different?

Have a week full of recognising happiness

Love

Jen