“Success is focusing the full power of all you are on what you have a burning desire to achieve.”
(Wilfred Peterson)
Jan 30 2012
The squirrel and the ducks
This was originally written in 2011 and shared via Coaching Confidence’s weekly email round up.
The squirrel and the ducks
This past week I took a short break. The place that we were staying was in a country setting. Woodland and a lake were all within the vicinity.
I happened to walk past a bird feeder hanging from a tree where a squirrel was busy helping itself to the nuts contained within. If you are familiar with squirrels then I suspect that this wouldn’t particularly surprise you – they are well known for using bird feeders as a source of food – even if they have to manoeuvre around complicated assault courses to be able to access them.
There was no assault courses with this particular bird feeder. There was however a group of ducks gathered below. I am not certain if the squirrel was deliberately feeding the ducks at the same time or if this was just a happy accident. One thing that did seem to be apparent – this was not an unusual occurrence and the ducks were quite happy to accept assistance from someone else.
I may be wrong but I didn’t see those ducks read any more into the situation than it was an opportunity they were not going to miss.
Sometimes, we cannot be as willing as those ducks to accept assistance or even see such opportunities that arise. We may have an idea in our own head that it is important to do everything all by ourselves.
I’ve seen that self-sufficiency manifest itself in coaches in all sorts of ways:
For example,
- Missing the possibility of hiring someone who loves to do the business bits you hate/spend lots of your time doing. I’m not saying that you will never have to spend any time communicating or keeping track about what is happening with such tasks, just that the option is there to get assistance.
- I’ve seen beliefs that in order to be a coach you had to be perfect, have all the answers and not require or want to use the services of a coach/mentor/other professional.
- Choosing to “beat yourself up” and just “try harder” if you encounter a skill you’re not happy with rather than consider another alternative.
- Ignoring/ not seeing marketing possibilities because you didn’t create them from scratch.
Today I invite you to consider the following question:
If it really didn’t mean anything about you, your skills or your business, what would be different if you took extra assistance?
Have a fantastic week
Love
Jen
Jan 30 2012
Coaching Quote of the Day 30th January 2012
“Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.”
(Oscar Wilde)
Jan 29 2012
Coaching Quote of the Day 29th January 2012
“To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.”
(Mark Twain)
Jan 28 2012
Coaching Quote of the Day 28th January 2012
“Teachers open the doors, but you must enter by yourself.”
(Chinese Proverb)
Jan 27 2012
Relationship Drama
In this week’s guest post Karen Wise shares a personal experience. How familiar is this for you and/or your clients?
Relationship Drama
by Karen Wise
My friend Rose called the other night. The conversation started like this:
“Karen, I really need to speak to you – I need your advice”
And then she started to whisper
“The thing is, I’ve been having an affair, and I don’t love my husband any more, and I just don’t know what to do”.
Rose and I have been friends for twenty years and she’s been with her husband for almost as long. She was one of my bridesmaids and both our kids were born weeks within each other. Rose has also lurched from life crisis to life crisis for the last two decades.
What I realised some time ago, is that Rose and I each have a role within, what psychologists call, the Drama Triangle (see diagramme below). Rose is always the “victim” with a crisis and I’m always there to rescue her.
Quite often we have more than one Drama Triangle in our lives, and with each one we’re playing a different role. With my husband, I have to admit, I frequently play the “Persecutor”. We can also find ourselves playing roles from the Drama Triangle at work, particularly during times of stress, when tight deadlines need to be met or mistakes have been made.
Most of the time, the Drama Triangle is useful in helping us manage day-to-day interactions. It might feel uncomfortable in the moment, but that tension makes either us or the other party shift their position to lead to a better outcome.
However, there are times when playing out the Drama Triangle isn’t helpful and could border on destructive. The negative behaviours can lead to a breakdown in trust, confidence and ultimately relationships.
If you find yourself in a Drama Triangle you have a choice. You can choose to step out of whatever role you’re playing. Don’t run away from the drama, but take a different approach to that of either a rescuer, persecutor or victim.
As I love my friend Rose, I’ve agreed to go out dinner this weekend to talk it all through with her. She has a major life decision to make, which won’t just affect her – but her husband and her two kids. I will help her through the most recent drama as for now, our relationship remains healthy and I’m happy to play the rescuer once again.
About the Author/Further Resources
Karen Wise, MCIPD is an Organisational Development Consultant and Coaching Psychologist, with over 12 years’ experience of working in Human Resources roles up to and including Director level within the NHS in the UK. Karen now runs her own consultancy and coaching business, with a particular interest in outplacement coaching. She has recently been awarded an MSc in Coaching Psychology from the University of East London. You can follow Karen on twitter (karenwise) and read her weekly blog on working in HR in the NHS at www.karenwise.wordpress.co
Jan 27 2012
Coaching Quote of the Day 27th January 2012
“A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.”
(Francois Bacon)
Jan 26 2012
Coaching Quote of the Day 26th January 2012
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
(Albert Einstein)
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